Why is it rationally, I KNOW I am a GOOD MOM. But then something happens and emotionally I feel like a BAD MOM.
When a child does something normal like covet the possessions of others why cant I just use it as an opportunity for growth..and then LET IT GO....I mean I make it a grand lesson (with thanks from Professor Leslie Lewis) of learning how the other child would FEEL if they were to have their precious item taken. Lets say a generally kind and thoughtful 6 year old sees a toy she just has a HUGE impulse to take from a friends back pack and for what ever reason at that moment the nice child isn't able to resist the urge to take the toy even though her conscience is already nagging at her saying "this is probably bad and will lead to trouble" and she takes the toy.
Interestingly enough the child almost immediately feels guilty (this is a good thing) and turns the toy over to the teacher with out an explanation. So the impulse was too strong to resist yet the guilt was too strong to keep the toy and the self preservation and embarrassment prevents the child from fessing up to the teacher the details.
In comes GOOD MOM. Mom speaks to teacher and is informed that the child gave the toy to the teacher but refused to explain where it came from. Mom takes 30 seconds alone with child to ascertain the complete story and promptly takes child to the Vice Principal with whom she has the upmost respect for. VP handles it nicely talks about the pain it would cause the other child but also talks about giving the toy to the teacher was a right step in the process of making things right and telling truth to mom too was GOOD but lets say it now...stealing a toy from a classmate/friend is WRONG.
Mom takes child back to class and child immediately apologizes to classmate/friend. The mom before leaving the child hugs her and tells her "I love you and while I am disappointed in the behavior I still feel you are a GOOD child and understand that urge to covet other peoples possessions. Lets work on ways to resist the impulse in the future like tugging your earlobe or stamping your feet a few times until the urge passes".
Child later that day suggests pretend pulling the bad idea in her head to do something "naughty" out of her ear next time. Cute. Mom feels like child gets message all is well. This is normal childhood shit.
Why do I feel like a BAD MOM. Why do my emotions tell me "oh this incident means serious problems in the future" and "you should spend every minute of every day reviewing all parenting choices past and present to locate the BAD parenting and FIX it."
SHIT kids take things especially at the age of 6. The child had remorse and the mom handled it beautifully....but yet...I still feel like a BAD MOM. My head is NOT MY FRIEND.
When a child does something normal like covet the possessions of others why cant I just use it as an opportunity for growth..and then LET IT GO....I mean I make it a grand lesson (with thanks from Professor Leslie Lewis) of learning how the other child would FEEL if they were to have their precious item taken. Lets say a generally kind and thoughtful 6 year old sees a toy she just has a HUGE impulse to take from a friends back pack and for what ever reason at that moment the nice child isn't able to resist the urge to take the toy even though her conscience is already nagging at her saying "this is probably bad and will lead to trouble" and she takes the toy.
Interestingly enough the child almost immediately feels guilty (this is a good thing) and turns the toy over to the teacher with out an explanation. So the impulse was too strong to resist yet the guilt was too strong to keep the toy and the self preservation and embarrassment prevents the child from fessing up to the teacher the details.
In comes GOOD MOM. Mom speaks to teacher and is informed that the child gave the toy to the teacher but refused to explain where it came from. Mom takes 30 seconds alone with child to ascertain the complete story and promptly takes child to the Vice Principal with whom she has the upmost respect for. VP handles it nicely talks about the pain it would cause the other child but also talks about giving the toy to the teacher was a right step in the process of making things right and telling truth to mom too was GOOD but lets say it now...stealing a toy from a classmate/friend is WRONG.
Mom takes child back to class and child immediately apologizes to classmate/friend. The mom before leaving the child hugs her and tells her "I love you and while I am disappointed in the behavior I still feel you are a GOOD child and understand that urge to covet other peoples possessions. Lets work on ways to resist the impulse in the future like tugging your earlobe or stamping your feet a few times until the urge passes".
Child later that day suggests pretend pulling the bad idea in her head to do something "naughty" out of her ear next time. Cute. Mom feels like child gets message all is well. This is normal childhood shit.
Why do I feel like a BAD MOM. Why do my emotions tell me "oh this incident means serious problems in the future" and "you should spend every minute of every day reviewing all parenting choices past and present to locate the BAD parenting and FIX it."
SHIT kids take things especially at the age of 6. The child had remorse and the mom handled it beautifully....but yet...I still feel like a BAD MOM. My head is NOT MY FRIEND.
