Regrets

It is so obvious to me why I do this - things are not going as smoothly as they have in the past and then I begin the regret thought patterns...

What if I hadn't left that boyfriend, what if I hadn't had so many kids what if I had finished college what if what if what if.....

I pray and thank God for what I have and I am truly thankful for the basics and all the bonus stuff in my life.

My gratitude list is LONG and starts with my healthy, intelligent kids, my supportive and intelligent husband, my lovely home and my cool car thats is old but I adore it, my incredibly awesome friends who have become my family, and my actual family AND my health....BUT

Wouldn't my life be EASIER and BETTER had I made a few different decisions in the past?

What about the fantasy of the ones left behind?

I don't regret my kids at all in fact they have defined me and given my otherwise meaningless life purpose! But I DO wonder would I have been a better mom and offered more resources if I had chosen to have less kids?

Each child has had such a positive effect on my spiritual being each child catapulted me into another dimension of thoughts, love and being.

I cannot regret my first marriage because I truly loved that man and wanted so much to have our child who is such an amazing human being she is everything I dreamed she would be and more! She is everything I am not! She is a better, upgraded version of me and him its amazing.

I cannot regret my divorce because we were not meant to stay together. We were bad for each other and would have created a terrible environment to raise our daughter in.

I cannot regret leaving one man for the next and so on because it led to my fantastic husband who as of late is on my last nerve but I am 100% sure I love and adore him deep inside when he behaves in way I find acceptable LOL


BUT I WONDER WHAT WOULD BE IF I HAD..........

Its sad but not. Its unhealthy line of thinking I am sure...my friend Ruby reminds me its a choice to walk down this path of regret...but its not easy to step off it or turn away from it!...maybe I will roll in my shit a little bit before i get out of it and shower it off...

I am always recommending a book now because I LOVE TO READ and have read over 1000 books and I am recommending only MY FAVS I HIGHLY suggest you read what I recommend - I am that good at choosing books <3