but I am in the waiting place,
waiting for my hair to grow,
waiting for someplace to go,
waiting on the phone to ring,
waiting for a song to sing.

waiting for my kids to play,
waiting for a better day,
waiting for my head to clear,
waiting for a chance to cheer.

waiting for people to like me,
waiting for everyone to see,
waiting for the tolerance,
waiting to climb over the fence.

waiting to get past this,
waiting to get my wish,
waiting no longer now,
going to live, I know how.

Thanks for my start Dr Suess

Yesterday & Tommorrow

For as long as I can remember I was ONLY worried about what I said or did or who said something to me or did something to me YESTERDAY or what I had to do or say TOMORROW or what someone might say or do to me TOMORROW.

Now I practice on a minute to minute basis NOW. I say minute to minute NOT because I am aware of NOW every minute puhleeese....more like i have to drag my mind back every minute (or every second is more like it) to the NOW.

Having said that there are my friends, my family and even a few of my children who live in YESTERDAY and TOMORROW a lot, if not all the time.

I cannot drag them coerce them or tease them into NOW. I have tried. I can remind them of NOW. That is when I remember to be in the NOW lol.

As I grow, accept change, step into the path SOME of my friends & family, people I LOVE, do not share the ability, the willingness or the desire to go with me.

The are stagnant, stuck, lost and have not gotten one big toe on the path nor can they even see it. THATS OK! I LOVE THEM. They are ME.

We ARE ONE.

They may get angry with me, frustrated, jealous and resentful at my happiness and freedom because as I struggle I change into the proverbial butterfly I glow, I fly I accept and so I am beautiful in my STRUGGLE.

I love you where ever you are my loved ones. I understand.

It Began Early On

All the way back to either Kindergarten or first grade I felt off. Like I was never the "right" one. Like I did NOT fit in. It felt to me like I was NEVER chosen by the teacher when questions were asked.

You could see the straining on my face, I sat as high as I could, my arm raised so far it almost went numb, yet I was never picked to answer a question. Or so it seemed.

Or if i was picked... I answered incorrectly. So disappointed in myself.

An excellent example is when I was in class and we were sitting in what is like circle time now. My teacher was holding something up asking questions and I was so eager, reaching so high with my hand. I just KNEW the RIGHT answer this time...But, yet again, I was not selected.

In my incomprehensible disillusionment I brought my arm and hand down with such force I stabbed my pencil into my other open palm and broke the tip off in my hand. OUCH!

This frustrated the teacher to NO end (who clearly I annoyed with my eagerness on a regular basis anyway) because she had to stop the class and administer first aid to the disruptive child (me).

I look back as I am writing this and wonder if she wasn't just a bitch who squelched my enthusiasm because she was angry or unhappy herself and just couldn't stand my delight and eagerness. Maybe she was overworked, underpaid or beat by her husband.

Or was I born with the incorrect chemicals and connections in my brain that made me feel like I wasn't picked enough, made me feel like I was wrong from the beginning?

...I still have that piece of lead in my palm to this day.

Wannabe Vegetarian

Fried Garbanzo Beans
Taiha Wagner of Just One Bite

Ingredients:
One can organic garbanzo beans
Organic cold pressed olive oil
Celtic sea salt
Black pepper

Directions:
Open and drain can of garbanzo beans. Dry off with paper towels.
Use a small fry pan and fill with enough olive oil to submerge garbanzo beans half way.
Heat olive oil on medium-high heat.
Carefully place beans in hot olive oil, turning once browned.
Once fully browned, remove from pan and place on paper towel.
Season with sea salt, black pepper and/or chili powder

These garbanzo beans are a tasty snack or a great addition to a hearty salad.