Girlie Check Ups

Its so wrong what we have to go through, honestly. I never complain about it but if you sit down and really think about the whole feminine THING its just plain and simply WRONG.

I want you to know I was so worried before my Pelvic Exam I carefully showered, shaved, waxed, scrubbed, perfumed, and creamed my entire body as if I was a virgin on my wedding night or a lovely sacrifice for the Gods.

WHY?  Because god forbid my OBGYN think I am yucky. WTF? She delivers babies and sometimes people poop on her in the process, she sees thousands  of vaginas I know she could care less about mine and its prettiness YET I Worry!

So funny right?

ART BY: www.nikitakrivoshey.com

Meditation - Protection

I attended an amazing Meditation Healing Circle this morning for 2 hours that left me energized NOT tired!

How does one get spiritually fit AND THEN protect oneself from the litany and bombardment of negative *stuff* glommed on every day throughout the day I asked?

I am guided to do Reiki* on myself every night and secondly, to listen to Meera's incredible Healing Meditation CD** every day.

This is difficult considering I always (Martyr) put my kids needs and my husbands needs before mine. Sometimes friends too. WHY do I do this? It protects me from looking inward, healing and caring for myself which are things I fear and do not believe I deserve (old programs).

HOWEVER this is my problem (it has come full circle). By putting everyone else's needs before mine I have drained myself, become agitated, restless and irritable with my loved ones therefor making me unable to meet their needs and mine now. SO NOW I am doing NO ONE ANY GOOD hahahahahah.

This led me to pray for a healer / teacher to come into my life and one did! She has trained me in Reiki, helped me with some Jackets, guided my through my Karma and helped me heal past and present wounds. She has guided me to tear down the walls of anger and fear and find simply what lies behind them is a fear if being hurt, alone or unloved.

I no longer have to feel that way!

Now I have a responsibility! I have actions I can take!  I have learned to CARE FOR MYSELF and keep myself cleared so I can be of use to my loved ones and friends.

What do I do?... I work our with a personal trainer 2 times a week now, I do Reiki on myself every day and I will listen to my healing Mediation CD every day also. I go to the beach once a week to BE.

By caring for me I am re-programing my thoughts - I am important, I am divine, God loves me and I love myself.  I can then, each day renewed teach my children those same life lessons, to love themselves, that they are prefect the way they are and life is a path not a destination.

PRAYER is POWERFUL

* I am a level 1 Reiki and if you are interested in how to start such a path please contact me through my email.

** I can help you obtain this mediation CD also, just email me.

REIKI information:

Reiki (English: /ˈreɪkiː/ "霊気" in Shinjitai Japanese) is a spiritual practice^[1] developed in 1922 by Japanese Buddhist Mikao Usui that uses a technique commonly calledpalm healing as a form of complementary and alternative medicine and is sometimes classified as oriental medicine by some professional bodies.^[2] Through the use of this technique, practitioners believe that they are transferring healing energy in the form of ki through the palms.^[3]

There are two main branches of Reiki, commonly referred to as Traditional Japanese Reiki and Western Reiki. Within both Traditional and Westernised forms of Reiki, there are three forms of degrees, commonly referred to as the First, Second, and Master/Teacher degree. According to Reiki practitioners and Masters, at First Degree, a Reiki practitioner is able to heal themselves and others, at Second Degree is able to heal others distantly (commonly called distant healing) with the use of specialised symbols, and at Master/Teacher level is able to teach and attune others to Reiki.

MEDITATION information:

Meditation is a holistic discipline by which the practitioner attempts to get beyond the reflexive, "thinking" mind into a deeper state of relaxation or awareness. Meditation is a component of many religions, and has been practiced since antiquity. It is also practiced outside religious traditions. Different meditative disciplines encompass a wide range of spiritual goals—from achievement of a higher state of consciousness, compassion and lovingkindness, to greater focus, creativity or self-awareness, or simply a more relaxed and peaceful frame of mind.

By Amy Baker Butters

"Why is it when I forget to eat breakfast, don't have time for lunch, and right before dinner, I basically hate everyone and everything and the every little pet peeve of mine becomes Mt. Everest and just before i decide to speak my mind, my husband says, "you must be hungry" hands me a chip, and my world is right again... :)"


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Teenager

My teenager asked me today where is Washington DC? She then proceeded to ask me if the White House is located there.


Are you done laughing?

Because I told her they were both located in Virginia.  God help us both.
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Doing For Others

The only way to get OUT of my head is to do something for someone else.

It doesn't seem to help if its something for my kids and husband though WHY IS THAT? It only feels GOOD if I help someone OUTSIDE of my immediate family a friend or a stranger.

Recently the man outside my VONS asked for change I said NO sharply but I did ask if he wanted anything to eat. He said "yes, some friend chicken" LOL so I went into the deli and bought that nice man some friend chicken.  I FELT BETTER... even thinking about it again makes me feel better!

2 weeks ago I was picking up my teenager from the movies and I passed a little car ( I don't know what kind something trite ) in the middle of the 2 lanes.  I pulled over and asked "What in the hell are you doing?".  Turns out the car was full of these beautiful Italians who spoke hardly any English and had run out of gas and did not know what to do.  Then, in my new found Italian accent, I directed the men to push the car with me AND the woman to steer.  We pulled the car to the side then I took the woman to the gas station.  She was concerned where we were going to put the gas to take back LOL I explained you buy a gas can from
the attendant and fill it. They were very grateful and
I FELT BETTER.

My teenager when she was studying for her Batmitzvah was encouraged to help at a soup kitchen. She and I loved this experience so much we continue to do it.

Maybe I should get a job that helps others directly...any ideas?

Why can't cleaning the kitchen feel that good? because it is FOR my FAMILY? I pack lunches for my sweet lil girls 5 days a week 20 days a month and so on....yet that doesn't feel that good? WHY NOT?

I have to clean now and take my teenager driving, things that DO NOT make me feel very good.

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2 Kid Websites

My FAVORITES ages 3 and up

www.poissonrouge.com

http://www.starfall.com/








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Guilt - Self Inflicted -

Thank you for your input moms I love you.
Guilt~ I will have some for breakfast, a little more with lunch I forgot to have some at dinner I was too busy but when the day is done and the lil ones asleep please give me one more big helping reminding me how imperfect I am and how much more there is i could be doing....

Let me say that I am greatly motivated by guilt.

Back Then: I was a working mom of 2 and I am painfully aware of what that entails. It meant to me, every morning was hectic, there were never any clean socks and we could never find jackets, shoes or backpacks, we were almost ALWAYS late and I was always stressed. I never had time.  I lost every paper they brought home I think and I paid late for every trip and book order there was! My time with my kids was slim and I constantly ran on a dish of guilt for breakfast lunch and dinner. I had an extra helping at night at about 11pm when everyone was asleep and I grasped the horrors of what lay in wait for me the next morning....I barely talked to my husband whom I actually liked and neither of us had any personal time because weekends were catch up time on laundry, shopping, gymnastics, baby showers and birthday parties. PS I NEVER COOKED~!

Fast forward to now: I have 4 kids at 3 different school I am currently a stay at home mom, I am still late, I loose every paper they bring home, I gave up ordering from the book orders years ago, we still cannot find any socks and I feed my kids sugary cereal cause they will eat it and eat it fast.  I do not have a clean house, I still do not cook and I do NOT drive on every field trip.  Already as I write this realize I forgot to pay for my 4th graders field trip tomorrow,  I did not participate in several parent nights at school and did I mention my daughter has on mis matched socks. I never get to shower, I wear sweats all the time (ok really its my PJ bottoms and a matching T-shirt with stains). Pony tails are my only true friend and I love mascara it makes me look human.

We all do as much as we can and we as moms working or not, WE STILL feel guilty.

WHEN can we STOP the guilt?

Where Do I Begin Going Green?

ok, so as I try my hand at healthier eating, living etc we now house a compost bin with our very own breeding worms, we eat half fortified white pasta mixed with half whole wheat (tonya) and thanks to leslie my kids will now eat brown rice (ok well 3 out of 4) here we go...
TRY a reasonably priced COMPOST BIN

www.CleanAirGardening.com Compost Bin
I shopped around and found for an apartment or townhome this size is perfect. You dont have to use it for pet poo, we have no pets. This one was small, affordable and portable.

Buy this book or get it at your local library and save a tree:

Let it Rot!: The Gardener's Guide to Composting (Third Edition) (Storey's Down-to-Earth Guides) (Paperback)

~ Stu Campbell
Let It Rot-Composting-Down-Earth Book


Buy one of these:
Countertop Compost Keeper (odor free)
Norpro-Ceramic-Compost-Keeper-White


WORMS - the book tells you everything you need to know about work=ms but for the exact bin above I bought:

1,000 Red Wiggler worms

$28.99

www.GardenWorms.com




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Hindsight

SO my 6 yr old loves to slam her door. This aggravates me to no end!

Solution: Remove door :) I feel so clever don't I?

Current Problem: Cannot shut door during tantrum. Not feeling so clever now am I?

Me

WHy cant it JUST be about me today?

Umpa Lumpa

Self Tanners here I am...


ok first try outs are...


• FACE - You SHOULD get one with a SPF in it BUT I don't want that so I picked this one:
THE FLASH BRONZER by Lancome ~ OIL-FREE TINTED SELF-TANNING FACE LOTION ~ WITH PURE VITAMIN E - SMELLS GREAT!
www.lancome-usa.com

• BODY - I am fair skinned so I choose the lighter shade and there is a $1.00 off coupon in yesterdays SUnday Coupons
Jergens® natural glow ~ Revitalizing Daily Moisturizer ~ SMELLS A LITTLE LIKE SELF TANNER!
www.jergens.com

• Pictures coming!

For those of you new to the self tanner game please heed these few IMPORTANT guide lines....

1) WASH your hands carefully after each application and when you dry your hands after washing dry in between each finger please.
2) FACE self tanner REALLY means YOUR NECK TOO! Spread it down your neck onto your chest area incase you wear a v neck shirt so you wont look like a complete idiot.
3) BODY self tanner includes YOUR FEET!
4) If you are still hesitant try mixing the lightest version of the Jergens with a pump of plain body lotion mix in your hand before applying this will lower the intensity even more so the tanner will be barely noticeable for days then after a week you can go full strength.
5) DO SCRUB yourself in the shower or bath with a scrubby or wash cloth. As old skin cells that have been self tanned can look leprose.
6) I do not recommend you try and do your mid section without human aid. Your back will look diseased.

Working Out

So the weird thing is I my entire life hated working out, I have never played sports nor did I ever want to.

My husband makes fun of me because he has pointed out I cannot do anything for more than a few hours without requiring a nap or "downtime" as I like to call it. I actually say "IM DONE". Like if I take the girls to the Zoo, Sea World or the Children's Museum for 2-4 hours I get home and immediately announce to anyone who will listen "I AM DONE". then I go lay down. This amuses my husband to no end as I expect him to work 9-10 hour days and return home to then play with the girls for another hour while I "assemble dinner".*** Then I expect him to help in bedtime rituals too! Poor guy.

So back to working out. I have a serious lack of inertia.

So we ALL KNOW no one feels like working out.

You don't want to....but once you get dressed for the workout, get you ass to the gym....get on the machines you are starting to feel pretty good and by the time you are done you are proud and glad!

We do this again, again and again.

So WHY doesn't my mind eventually GET IT?

Why doesn't my mind eventually get the positive reinforcement? When I think of working out why don't I immediately get excited and happy? After all the times I go and feel GOOD AFTER, shouldn't I get the message?

Why does my head continually tell me NO DONT GO WORKOUT WE ARE TOO TIRED THIS SOUNDS LIKE A BAD IDEA GO LAY DOWN?????????????????

So, you and I get up in the morning saying to ourselves in a depressed sort of voice, "ok, I am going to workout today because I need to and I will feel better after I do..." yet our heads say this back "no, you don't have time you are too tired you don't need to you can do it tomorrow, just don't eat today instead....." WE ARE CRAZY

wtf


*** I assemble meals I do not cook, thats for another blog

Our Old School !

OMG

REALLY?

You drop your kids off early... I understand those of you who have to work, a dual income family is common if not required to live in San Diego but YOU KNOW who you are when I say you drop your kids off early and pick them up late.

You do nothing for the school.

You participate the absolute minimum.

You don't read the notes that come home.

You use the school as a day care.

You pack shit in your kids lunches.

You do nothing with your kids at home.

You ignore your kids bad behavior.

You expect THE SCHOOL AND TEACHERS TO RAISE YOUR KID.

But the truth is YOU are supposed to RAISE your kid and the school and teachers are ONLY supposed to teach them the ABC's and Reading and Writing.....NOT how to behave as a decent human being, how to listen, how to be kind how to sit still for periods of time....


Lets start off with a small lesson for you lazy asses:

At the beginning of the year (BUT of course its NOT TOO LATE to do this NOW):

Pull aside the teacher (not on the first day please) and ask him or her "What do you need to start this year?"
Maybe you cannot make it on field trips or come into class to volunteer but you sure as hell can pick up some Purel, wipes, tissues, reams of paper. You could take home some things to cut or grade or work on for the teacher.

Do you sit your ass at a computer all day?: then you can be the EMAIL MOM or DAD, make a note to go to all parents at the first week if school asking them for their emails and telephone # for a roster for the teacher and parents. Then you can send the email reminders for field trips and necessary items etc during the year.


THERE IS SO MUCH YOU CAN DO.

My Teen

ok so I was sad this morning after I ran a half mile ( with my overly motivated teenager - the blond on the left) because I could not figure out how to put pictures on my blog so the cheerful lil thang sat right down next to me and opened this up and potined to the tiniest icon of a photo RIGHT HERE ON THE PAGE I AM WRITING ON DUH!!!!!!! Maybe I am too old to be doing this lmfao. God I love her.

By the way Isa, I ran it in 5 minutes and walked the second one :p

but I am in the waiting place,
waiting for my hair to grow,
waiting for someplace to go,
waiting on the phone to ring,
waiting for a song to sing.

waiting for my kids to play,
waiting for a better day,
waiting for my head to clear,
waiting for a chance to cheer.

waiting for people to like me,
waiting for everyone to see,
waiting for the tolerance,
waiting to climb over the fence.

waiting to get past this,
waiting to get my wish,
waiting no longer now,
going to live, I know how.

Thanks for my start Dr Suess

Yesterday & Tommorrow

For as long as I can remember I was ONLY worried about what I said or did or who said something to me or did something to me YESTERDAY or what I had to do or say TOMORROW or what someone might say or do to me TOMORROW.

Now I practice on a minute to minute basis NOW. I say minute to minute NOT because I am aware of NOW every minute puhleeese....more like i have to drag my mind back every minute (or every second is more like it) to the NOW.

Having said that there are my friends, my family and even a few of my children who live in YESTERDAY and TOMORROW a lot, if not all the time.

I cannot drag them coerce them or tease them into NOW. I have tried. I can remind them of NOW. That is when I remember to be in the NOW lol.

As I grow, accept change, step into the path SOME of my friends & family, people I LOVE, do not share the ability, the willingness or the desire to go with me.

The are stagnant, stuck, lost and have not gotten one big toe on the path nor can they even see it. THATS OK! I LOVE THEM. They are ME.

We ARE ONE.

They may get angry with me, frustrated, jealous and resentful at my happiness and freedom because as I struggle I change into the proverbial butterfly I glow, I fly I accept and so I am beautiful in my STRUGGLE.

I love you where ever you are my loved ones. I understand.